My last couple of nights in Quito, Ecuador, were eventful... getting back to what they call “civilisation” was borderline traumatic. Seeing everyone in make-up and normal clothes all but disturbed me; why do people suddenly have personality transplants just because we are away from the jungle? I’m the same there as I always am, but some people are obviously a bit more Jeckyl and Hyde than I am... there were people getting stupidly drunk (thus proving that the unnecessarily condescending rules on alcohol at Yachana were in fact justified, as some idiotic teenagers are incapable of knowing when to stop – twats), other people were busy snorting coke and nearly getting arrested (Central America is not a nice place to be imprisoned, I imagine). And we were sat there in a bar, with drunken men hollering a football song at a widescreen match, loud rap music blaring from the place next door, tourists shouting in English at bar staff, and I was looking at the menu over overpriced junk food, holding my head in my hands, wishing myself away from the place. If a black hole could have gulped me up and away from that place, that would have been wonderful. Thankfully, we exited left and went to a sushi restaurant, and the night got better (although (call me racist, why not) it was weird to see Japanese people speaking Spanish). Still, all the worst things about that night continue to be all the worst things about “civilisation”.
I have often said that going abroad is like going to Narnia: you feel you have spent a lifetime away, but when you return, it is as if no time has passed. And once you are back into the mundanity of everyday life, your time away seems to condense as though it didn’t really last that long after all; in fact, it was almost as if it never happened – like it was a dream or something you imagined. It seems a world away.
* * *
I have been back in England for 8 days now, and I am readjusting to life in the slow lane. You probably don’t care about the minutia of my life... I know I didn’t much care for the minutia of other people’s lives while I was away in the exciting world of the jungle. People’s status updates on Facebook were things like “... is feeling a bit rough” or “... is having a cappuccino with marshmallows” and I remember thinking who gives a shit? It’s pointless, it means nothing, it is of no consequence whatsoever, so don’t tell me about it; I don’t care. People’s lives are dreadfully boring if that is the most interesting thing that is happening to them.
And now I am in that very same situation myself, so I won’t bore you details of what i've done since i got back.
Things in England are WEIRD. Television is pointless: it’s just people pretending, for the most part. People saying things that aren’t true... what is the point of that? Why would anyone want to watch that? And the news – well, it’s just more of the same as always. Murders; cold weather; I don’t think anyone would notice if they just replayed last year’s news again this year. TV is something I did not miss one little bit while I was away, but in spite of that, and in spite of what I've just said about the shitty futility of it, I have watched it every day since my return. Why? Boredom. There is nothing to DO here. Seriously, what do people DO all day? I can’t understand it any more... what did I used to do? What do other people DO with their time? Life in England seems dull. But in my time away, I was with 25 people all the time, and had activities to do each day, and indeed most evenings. Given the choice, I’d far rather spend my evenings like I used to, playing cards with friends (Yanif is way better than Shithead ever was, even though I don’t get to say “skippy-skip!”), lying in a hammock and reading, or just sitting around and talking and having fun (designated or otherwise). But it seems that that is not happening here. I have friends, sure, but I don’t get to see them every day like I did in the jungle, and it consequently feels lonely here.
I find that I've forgotten a lot of what I used to do, and my life before my trip (I guess that's the Narnia Factor); so, I’m being really absent-minded. For example, I noticed a new Tesco Metro had opened up, and I thought how that would be convenient for me... then a minute or so later I realised it wasn’t that convenient, because I don’t live on the road I was thinking I lived on any more; I moved house 2 years ago! ... And things in my house aren’t where I’d expect to find them. I thought Rich might have taken my back door keys, till he reminded me that they are where I always kept them, next to the sugar – I’d forgotten where I kept them. I've done the same with several other things. And I was in Tesco (the one NEAR to where i live!), looking at the hotpots and shepherds pies, then I realised they had meat in them and I needed to go to the vegetarian section! Jesus, it’s like I've got special needs or something! I need a Care Worker to come and help me in every aspect of my life. I was only away for six months, but it’s like I've forgotten how to function in this world.
I feel like I just don’t understand UK life any more. I feel lost. Nothing makes sense. It’s like coming out of prison or something. When your life has been so controlled, and so different, and with a totally different group of people, where food was provided, and it was hard work, but rewarding, and now all of a sudden, I’m on my own, cooking for one, no work to do (yet), so no reward, and everything feels a bit pointless. And some things have changed that I didn’t want to change... I suppose you can’t walk out of your life, then walk back into it six months later and act as if everything’s the same, can you? I think I wanted to have my cake and eat it; to leave and have an adventure, and then come back to my life as if nothing has happened, but evidently that is not to be.
Need I point out that the weather here in England is very cold? It’s fucking freezing: the coldest I can ever remember being, and I don’t think it’s just because I've come back from the equator... it’s about -5’C during the day time here at the moment, and about -10’C at night. That’s not just cold, that’s painfully, unspeakably cold. I’m sleeping in fleecy pyjamas, body-warmer, dressing gown, in a sleeping bag, under a 15 tog duvet, in a room with heating on. Hell, I have even worn a woollen hat two nights! I just can’t seem to get warm. I much preferred sleeping in 25’C, without a shadow of a doubt.
Just to lower the tone, I thought I’d let you know that when I got back to England, putting toilet paper in the toilet seemed weird at first (it’s been anathema, taboo, and borderline criminal for six months, the sewage systems in Central America being unable to cope with it) but I am now used to putting toilet paper in the toilet again. Phew! Neighbours might have thought I was weird if I was in the garden burning shitty toilet paper in Nottingham, England.
However, in its defence, England is beautiful. The hills are sweeping, the trees barren, and the skies the palest of grey, but with everything dusted under frosty white, even the ugliest council estate can look like a Christmas card scene, and the countryside is incredibly beautiful. And while your eyes are watering from the cold, you can almost believe that you are crying at the beauty of it all! In that sense, England is like inside the wardrobe of Narnia, and I am Lucy amazed by the elegance of the snow on every little twig of every tree. You don't get that in the rainforest.
So...
My time away was amazing... I have had marine turtles laying eggs into my hand; I have seen monkeys swinging through the trees; I have seen deadly venomous snakes; I have seen (and heard) the most beautiful birds – parrots, toucans, and a whole host of others... and it was wonderful. The people I met and the things I did went together to make a more wonderful experience than most people can ever hope to experience, and it’s still going on out there, with other people, while I am here typing this in my living room, with the TV droning on in the background, advertising stuff I don’t need in between programmes I don’t care about. It’s good spending time with family and friends, but beyond that, I don’t know whether I really want to be here. We shall see. :-/
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